


Frigid Heart

by firejiya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Established Relationship, M/M, This is really tragic, but there's feels too i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:39:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3260231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firejiya/pseuds/firejiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You have time for one visitor before your execution. Who would you like to see?" </p>
<p>In the confines of a prison cell, Eren Jaeger smiles a grim smile. That's an easy question. There is only one person he wants to see. Lay eyes on him one last time and he'll die with no regrets. </p>
<p>He looks up and levels the guard with a calm stare. </p>
<p>"I want Levi" he says simply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frigid Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, this is not a happy fic. But I've had this idea for a really long time and I'm excited to post it.
> 
> Now with a French translation, done by Selyka, available here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3766171

"You have time for one visitor before your execution. Who would you like to see?" 

In the confines of a prison cell, Eren Jaeger smiles a grim smile. That's an easy question. There is only one person he wants to see. Lay eyes on him one last time and he'll die with no regrets. 

He looks up and levels the guard with a calm stare. 

"I want Levi" he says simply. 

The guard promptly exits. After a few minutes, the click clack of heels on stone floor reverberates off the walls and the corporal steps into the dim hallway. 

Eren drinks in the sight of this man with an aching need, his eyes greedily latching on to him. It's been far too long since Eren last saw the elegant contours of this face, the glare of silvery eyes, the perfect physique. He thinks he could stay here staring forever at his corporal, mentor, … lover. 

Levi is now leaning against the wall casually, stoic as always. He appraises the 20-year old man behind bars in silence. This situation reminds him an awful lot of when he first met the brat five years ago in this very dungeon, only this time the brat isn't chained to the bed. He isn't chained at all and he was in fact pacing around his cell until Levi arrived.

Now the brat just stares at him with a frightening intensity, the same intensity he had when he was 15 and said he wanted to join the Survey Corps to slaughter all the titans. The very intensity Levi got addicted to in the first place. Only right now, all of this intensity is directed not towards titans, but entirely towards Levi. It's flattering in the most alarming way. 

Five years. Five years and so much has changed. Where there was a teenage boy five years ago, there now stands a man. Still impulsive, still incredibly righteous, but more sensible and less of an idealist. His sea-green eyes once so full of wonder and curiosity are now piercing and jaded with age. Ah, but the fierce determination is still there, Levi notes. Light stubble graces the slender, defined curve of his jawline. His filthy, shredded shirt does little to cover up the expanse of tan, chiseled abs strengthened from constant use. Sweat glistens on the golden skin but the sight does nothing to arouse Levi. Instead, it sends a jolt of pain through him as he sees what has become of Eren. 

During the last five years, the Survey Corps retook Wall Maria with the help of Eren's Titan form. They made the full expedition to Shinganshina and finally acquired the crucial information stored in Eren's basement. It was discovered that the government manufactured Titans by infecting normal human beings with a mutation. The government, consisting of the king and his legislative body, used Titans as instruments of enforcing discipline and terror on the people, using fear tactics to keep its power upheld. 

This plan worked impeccably well. The near extinction of the human race had everyone terrified and looking for leadership, which the government was happy to provide. The people were absolutely devoted to the King, and nobody suspected that the titans were in fact man-made, except Grisha Jaeger, doctor and vigilante. 

Grisha's goal was to break down the walls which were the government's devices of suppressing the people. He wanted to free society while he meanwhile attempted to create an antidote to turn Titans back into humans. He came across Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner who all had Titan shifting ability and set them to the task of destroying the walls. And in a last ditch attempt to save humanity from corruption, he injected his son with a self-made dosage of Titan shifting ability, hoping that when Eren came of age, he would discover his strength and the basement, make sense of all the information, and become humanity's hope and savior. 

Eren became humanity's hope, but not its savior. Once the Survey Corps uncovered the truth, the government immediately set out to stop the spread of said truth, because the knowledge of it could spark a rebellion among the people. All military regiments were ordered to find and capture Grisha and the three titan shifters

The Survey Corps followed these orders. While Grisha’s causes for destroying the walls involved the betterment of humanity, he had still committed a punishable offense by inadvertently subjecting thousands in Shinganshina and Trost to untimely death by the unexpected advance of the titans. So the Corps sought Grisha and his accomplices out and engaged in battle with them.

Eren was outraged. How could the Survey Corps, the ones who believed the most in freedom, support such an evil and corrupt government? Eren found himself at a crossroads. On one hand, his mother’s death was caused by Grisha and those bent on destroying the walls. On the other hand, how could he fight for an establishment, a government that had created the Titans with the intention of oppression? Should he fight with his father, or with his military? Where should his loyalties lie?

It turned out Eren didn't really have to decide. Grisha was killed in battle, as well as several soldiers of the opposing side. Those who survived, such as Annie, were captured and put in prison or insane asylums. The military had won. Insurgent and vigilante Dr. Jaeger had been defeated and any chance of rebellion against the government was quelled. Humanity went right back to the status quo of being suppressed by sinister rulers. The Survey Corps was forced to remain silent about the truth of the Titans or face disbanding; Commander Erwin decided to go along with it and wait for an opportunity to gain power and overthrow the King.

And Eren was arrested and put on trial for execution. His hesitance regarding which side to fight for, his blood relation with “enemy of mankind” Grisha Jaeger, and the fact that he was a Titan were enough. He was charged and convicted for treason. Two weeks in prison, seeing nobody but the guard, and today was the day of his execution. 

Five years. Levi's not sure when it started. He doesn't know who approached the other first. He just remembers feeling alive again whenever he was around that strange boy with passion that seemed to ignite Levi’s body with youth and adrenaline. He remembers how Eren had a serious case of idol worship that Levi was all too willing to oblige. He remembers a whole lot of unwinding after training by fucking each other on every possible surface in every possible room. He remembers nights after horrific bloodshed, curled together and being able to sleep only knowing the other was still breathing. He remembers teaching Eren control, teaching him to tame his impulse and act with forethought. Five years of watching Eren grow to become a hero, only to be let down by his own kind. 

Over the course of five years, what had started off as physical desire and mental comfort quickly evolved into feelings that were much more deep and dangerous. Feelings of dependency... of those three words Eren was always saying to Levi.

Levi wonders whether he'll be able to wake up tomorrow morning without a tousled mop of brown hair caressing his chest and enrapturing sea-green eyes gazing at him with confidence and adoration only Eren can combine. He wants to continue spending mornings listening to Eren's rants or his visions of a better tomorrow. Levi wants to dream a little. 

Levi forgets he's been standing in silence this whole time. It isn't until Eren speaks in a low, gravelly voice, hoarse from disuse that Levi is pulled from his thoughts. 

"You know, I always expected to die at the hands of either a Titan, or you." He gives a wry laugh. Levi doesn't say anything. 

"It's funny. Five years, and absolutely nothing has changed." He pauses with purpose, as if he's figuring out how to voice his thoughts. Levi remains silent. 

"It doesn't even matter what the fuck I do for the world. I'll always be a monster." Eren's voice is quivering with suppressed rage and a hint of betrayal. Levi can't keep quiet anymore. 

"You know that's not fucking true. You have full control over your titan form. There's nothing monstrous about you." 

Eren doesn't attempt to keep his voice down anymore. "Well then why am I in the exact same place five years after I was put on trial and declared a help to humanity? I've done so much and everybody is too blind to see it!" 

Levi lunges forward and grabs on to the metal bars. "Not everybody is blind. Not Armin, Mikasa, everyone in the Corps. Most of all, you're human to me, and that's all that fucking matters." 

He stays there watching Eren glare at him with the one perpetual question of "Why aren't you doing anything?" Eren's angry at him, Levi realizes.

"Believe me, we tried. Erwin tried pulling at any straws that would get you out of this mess. But you had a fair trial, and we're powerless. Even if we tried to get you out of here, there are guards posted outside ready to shoot any of us at first sighting of an escape attempt." Levi says. In reality, he wishes they could try far more. He is more than willing to risk his life if it means Eren has a shot at surviving. But that could never happen. Right now, Eren is a public menace that must be exterminated to uphold the current establishment of power. And what the government wants, the government gets.

Eren looks wistful. "You know, I thought a lot during these two weeks of solitude. And I realized that I was pretty happy. I've done a lot for humanity and lived a riveting life. I figured I could die with no regrets. But now I know that's not true." 

"What kind of regrets do you have?" Levi asks, unable to stop himself. 

A moment of silence ensues and when Eren speaks, it’s fast-paced and urgent.

"I regret not being able to venture far away and see the outside world. I regret having to cut my time with my friends short. I regret not being able to fulfill my vow of exterminating the Titans, not being able to avenge my mother’s death. I regret that when Jean and Mikasa eventually have a kid, I won't be around to see it.” Eren pauses here and takes a deep breath. 

"But most of all, I regret not being able to spend eternity with you." 

Levi's heart aches horribly. 

Eren continues. "I'm always so absorbed with surviving and fighting and succeeding, but now that I think about it, all I really want is you." 

"How much do you want me?" Levi asks, surprised at how rough his own voice sounds. 

Eren responds, "I wish I could ask you to have sex with me one last time, but I suppose that would be impractical." 

Levi smirks. “We could try it if you really want to satisfy your prison roleplay kink.”

Eren retorts with a feisty “Fuck off!” but smiles in spite of himself and his grave situation.

"Well then we'll just have to settle for this." Levi reaches his hands through the spaces between the bars and pulls Eren towards him by the collar. They somewhat awkwardly manage to angle their faces between the bars. Levi doesn't realize the severity of his withdrawal until their lips connect. Two weeks without kissing Eren is an unbearably long amount of time. 

This kiss is anything but gentle, all aspects of it doused in urgency. They're both grasping for something tangible to confirm the reality of this moment in time. Levi pulls Eren to him closer still and Eren entangles his fingers in Levi's hair. When Levi realizes this is the last time they'll ever share a kiss, he viciously attacks Eren's supple lips, and Eren responds with equal fervor. Their surroundings gradually melt away and soon it's just the two of them, engulfed in heat and emotion. Time is at a standstill. There's no looming deadline, no dank dungeon, just empty white space and feelings. A whole lot of feelings. They could be anywhere and it wouldn't matter because this moment is defined by them, unified and moving in tandem. 

Infinitely. 

When they finally break apart, they're both gasping for air. They remain clinging to each other and their foreheads press firmly together. 

It’s at this moment that Levi comes to the conclusion he’s been avoiding for five years. Levi always had a frigid heart, icy and closed off because getting attached was so unwise in a world where anyone could die at any moment. Then Eren came and set his heart ablaze with roaring flames. Fire that Levi could not extinguish no matter how hard he tried. Fire that won’t burn out, even when one of them is gone.

So with this thought, Levi's the first to speak. "I love you, Eren Jaeger. So damn much." 

"Why would you tell me this for the first time ever right before I'm about to die?" 

Levi looks a bit troubled but manages to justify himself. "Better late than never." 

After some quiet, Eren speaks again. "Levi, promise me you'll keep going. Promise me you'll stay strong." 

Levi doesn't hesitate to answer. "How can humanity's strongest keep going when his last hope is fading away?" 

Eren doesn't respond to this. They only clutch each other more tightly, silver never leaving green. Neither of them notices the guard come in until he says, "Your time is up." 

They detach themselves and linger for a few more moments. Then, with a parting glance, Levi walks away, feeling entirely incomplete. 

********** 

The guards lead Eren out of his cell and towards the courtroom where the execution will take place. His wrists are now bound behind his back by shackles and he's flanked on all sides by guards wielding weapons. It's as if he's the most wanted criminal right now. Which he very well may be. 

The courtroom is just as he remembered it. There is no judge presiding this time, but there is a wooden stand with a rope in the very center of the room for all to see. Townspeople are everywhere, aristocrats eager to see something of entertainment. Public executions are a rare opportunity. 

Eren’s eyes are drawn to the small windows near the ceiling. It’s the first glimpse of sunlight he’s gotten in two weeks, and he wishes his execution could be held outdoors.

When Eren walks into the room, the chatter dies down and all eyes turn to him. As the guards bring him to the hanging stand, he feels like a wild animal, being caged in an exhibit for all to see, for all to jeer at mercilessly. 

All of these people here, to watch a human get put to death. Eren realizes with a start that humans are vile creatures. He's spent so much time and energy fighting to save humanity, but does the world even have any humanity anymore? 

He's not sure. It doesn't help that as he looks around, he sees no familiar faces. Of course, there are some officials of the military who are required to be present, such as Commander Erwin, but none of his loved ones are anywhere to be seen. 

He expected this though. He knows the only reasons his friends aren't here is because the experience of watching him die is too painful and emotional for them. They want to remember him as a person with vitality, not a drained shell of himself. If Eren were allowed more than one visitor, everyone would have come to see him earlier. Armin, Mikasa, Hanji, Jean... they all love him. They just love their own sanity more. 

Levi. Levi already visited him today. They said their final goodbyes. Levi has no reason to come watch the execution and put himself through more agony and turmoil. 

So when Eren steps on to the stand, he is surprised to catch that face in the crowd, all the way in the very back of the room. Unmistakably Levi. He's wearing a long overcoat with a large lump in his right pocket, but Eren doesn't think much of it. Because as the noose is lowered over his head and settles snugly at the base of his neck, Eren notices something much stranger about Levi's appearance. 

His face is wet. Silent tears spill out of the corners of Levi's eyes and cascade gently down his cheeks. There's no puffiness or redness on his face. No sniffling, no outward emotion that would reveal any sadness. He holds his head tall and proud as his face shines in the sunlight and the tears keep falling, the only sign of his weakness. 

Eren feels his legs go numb at the sight. In all of their years together, he never once saw Levi cry. Levi was always authoritative, strong, impassive and keeping his feelings wedged inside him. And now he sheds such rare tears. Just for Eren. 

This only affirms Eren’s belief that this is true love if he's ever known it. Eren always used to get upset whenever Levi would fail to say anything regarding love to him. But he was only trying to protect them from inevitable heartbreak. Levi loved him all along, and it’s so apparent in his quiet, subtle actions. He didn't have to come to the execution, but he did anyway. He made a sacrifice nobody else was willing to make because he knew Eren would need it. Eren would want someone to be there with him in his final moments, to comfort him and assure him that his death wasn't in vain. 

So here Levi is. He stands unnoticed, not loud, not making a fuss, or drawing attention to himself. He's just there. And that's all Eren needs. 

The stand is pushed out from underneath him and the noose starts to tighten around his neck. His breath hitches as the constriction becomes more and more unbearable. Eren feels his feet kick beneath him as his body thrashes wildly and water leaks from his eyes. His mind knows struggling is useless but he can’t control any of it and he’s overwhelmed by the feeling of being compressed.

As his vision begins to blur and flash white, he keeps his eyes trained on Levi, and suddenly a vision hits him. A vision of days in the future. Of life after victory. He hears the voices of his fellow cadets, the people he became so close to. He walks barefoot on a whitish tan pebbly substance that squishes between his toes. In front of him is the ocean, vast, magnificent and precisely the color of his eyes. The sun sets towards the horizon and lights the sky with fiery orange and red, remnants of the inferno he used to live in. And at his side is Levi, holding his hand firmly and looking forward. Never setting his sights anywhere but ahead. 

Levi's hand begins to slip away until he's gone and the scene vanishes entirely. Eren is back in the courtroom and not even sure if he's breathing anymore. 

The gray of Levi's eyes is the last thing Eren sees before the life is sucked out of him and everything reverts to black. 

His body goes limp.

A hush of silence resonates for a few seconds before a dull murmur starts up again. People begin to chat and move out, quickly resuming their daily lives. The spectacle is over. They have places to be and people to go home to. 

Amidst the bustle, nobody notices the man in the back of the room rummage in his coat pocket and pull out an object. By the time the gunshot sounds, it's too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry... hope you enjoyed anyway.


End file.
